you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Things are so different than they used to be.

Things are happening now that I wanted to happen before. Time is getting all messed up and I don't know what to do.

Your necklace is still on my neck

I miss you more and more every day.

Things aren't complicated. We make them complicated.

"Atticus told me to delete the adjectives and I'd have the facts."

I made the biggest mistake of my life
I still love you, I always will

Let's take this chance?

I don't know why I am so afraid.
I guess I don't want to get hurt
But I feel like its worth it, to try and to see
Take a chance?

I really am beginning to believe that everything happens for a reason.
I've said it before, but now I really believe it.
And also that things are going to happen how they are meant to happen, and that comforts me.

I've been in contact with someone who has meant a lot to me since I was fourteen, and I've been realizing that we have learned to grow and mature, without ever growing apart. If you're reading this, I hope you feel the same way.

"Believe it or not, everything is unfolding as it should"

I'm excited to see what happens next.

Sorry I haven't posted in so long. I'm at college, my summer was rough, its a long story.
But I love you all :) Stole this from Syd:

This summer in a nutshell:

How many summers have you lived through?
eighteen

What are you doing after this summer?
I'm at Rider :)

When was your favorite summer (what year)?
After my junior year of high school

This Summer
Was this summer good?
Until July

Did you work?
yes :)

If so, where?
a cupcakery and a pizza place :)

Friends you hung out with?
Trey until July, Lizzie, a lot of work people

Any summer love?
For a while

What occupied most of your time?
work

What did you wish you'd done more of?
saw more people, read more, concerts

Any big accomplishments?
realizing I can (sort of) stand on my own

Weird realizations?
not really

Do something you never have before?
nope

Do something you never want to do again?
crying and sleeping a week straight isn't too great

Summer Media
Read any good books this summer?
Finally finished House of Leaves, and a bunch more I forget right now

Did you see any good movies?
no timee

See any movies that you didn't like?
nope

Music that defined the happiest moments of this summer?
First Day of my Life- Bright Eyes

Music that defined the saddest moments of this summer?
Woke Up New- The Mountain Goats

Favorite band you were introducted to?
Santogold

Favorite song you were introduced to?
Speeding Cars- Imogen Heap

Did you watch a lot of television?
yes

If so, what did you watch primarily?
whateer

Did you pay attention to the news?
yeah, I'm really into election stuff


Summer Experiences
Did you go on a vacation of some kind?
nope

What was the farthest you went from your home this summer?
New York

Did family/friends from faraway visit?
nope

One of the more enjoyable moments of the summer?
working

One of the worst moments of the summer?
July-August

Do anything that you regret doing?
no regrets

Do anything that you'll gloat about later?
probably not

Did you spend more time awake in the nighttime or in the daytime?
daytime

Wrapping up...
Are you typically a summertime person?
not really

Are you looking forward to this next year?
yes, college is amazing so far

Overall, would you say that you enjoyed your summer?
mixed feeligns

What was the most memorable part of this summer?
Realizations

I love you, all
I'm sorry for lack of updates and also for how hugely negative this post sounds

"and whether you believe it or not, the universe is unfolding as it should" -emerson

"That feeling of finishedness does not come all at once, and it is not easily won, but I think once you get there it is hard to go back."
-Looking for Alaska

Does anyone have Skype?

"No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow."
-Alice Walker

A picture of me and Trey to realize either
1) that I can get through anything
or
2) that love can really last forever
depending

My journal from when I had my bad habit to see how far I've come.
and
my college acceptance letters to show I was wanted somewhere

37 Odd Things About Me


1. Do you like blue cheese?

yes

2. Have you ever smoked?

Yeah, but I never got hooked

3. Do you own a gun?

No

4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?

the red kind

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

if there are shots involved

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

gross

7. Favorite Christmas movie?

Hannukkah- 8 Crazy Nights

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

coffee

9. Can you do push ups?

eyes

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?

my ring, but i guess its not mine anymore

11. Favorite hobby?

reading

12. Do you have A.D.D.?

Probably

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts?

glasses but not often

14. Middle name?

Morgan

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?

What's going on with me and Trey, maybe I'll call Kira, Sex and the City is annoying me

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?

Water, Mash, Coffee

17. Current worry?

future

18. Current hate right now?

no hates

19. Favorite place to be?

I haven't found a favorite place yet

20. How did you bring in the new year?

Sydney's house, celebrating a year with Trey

21. Where would you like to go?

meet Kira and talk a lot

22. Name three people who will complete this?

probably no one

23. Do you own slippers?

No.

24. What shirt are you wearing?

Rider Cross Country

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

no

26. Can you whistle?

kind of

27. Favorite color?

electric blue

28. Would you be a pirate?

no thanks

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?

whatever's on the radio

30. Favorite Girl's Name?

Kimya, Alaska

31. Favorite boy's name?

Trey, Holden

32. What's in your pocket right now?

no pockets

33. Last thing that made you laugh?

When I was with the girls I babysit, and I was talking about schitzophrenia, and the youngest girl was like "is that when one eye is bigger than the other?"

34. What vehicle do you drive?

none

35. Worst injury you've ever had?

something after a seizure probably

36. Do you love where you live?

no, too many memories

37. How many TVs do you have in your house?

six. wow.

I've been working so hard at three different jobs just to get over this, and I don't even want to get over it

I've been putting a lot in perspective.

My Life List (in no particular order):

1) I was going to say fall in love and get married. But I'm already in love. Have someone love me back, and marry, and finally know that things can last forever
2) Find a passion
3) Live in a city
4) Write and publish a novel
5) Have a child, adopt a child.
6) Visit every continent
7) Go to Israel
8) Never stop learning
9) Learn to play guitar
10) Inner peace
11) Have a best friend

i think i'm coulrophobic